An aspiring Jerk's guide. Still want to be a Jerk? You have to learn the rules!

Rule #1-
People do NOT have feelings. Hence, you should NOT care whether you hurt them or not.

Rule #2-
You are the best of the best; The Alpha and the Omega. There is NEVER a need to apologise to anyone for anything.Nor is there a need to thank anyone for something they have done for you. Complaining is allowed.

Rule #3-
As the most good looking one in the world, everyone else is butt ugly. God said we must not tell lies. Tell people the truth about their incomprehensible ugliness.

Rule #4-
Not only are others ugly, they are also stupid beyond all belief. Remind them about how stupid they are several times a day.

Rule #5-
Ladies should be treated as princesses.However, there is no such thing as "females are equal" after a few days or weeks. This means that ladies are below you and not really worth your time if they don't treat you like a god and give you everything you want.

Rule #6-
Be really petty. Not happy if the fries on the plate are not arranged in the neat,special manner seen on the menu? Complain. While at that, blow things out of proportion and exaggerate. Not only where the fries "messy", the waitress who served you did not flirt with you.

Rule #7-
Back stab others when you are literally standing behind them. Pretend that that person is not near you when you gossip and bitch about him or her. After all, it is better for them to know what a loser they really are.

Rule #8-
Degrading people is key to being a successful Jerk. Instead of saying "Hi! How is it going?", you can simply greet them with "Hi loser." When you insult people in the middle of a conversation,say it like you mean it. Or with a smirk.

By now, you should have noticed a recurring theme. What is that theme? It just so happens that the theme is also every Jerk's motto.
"The World Revolves Around Me"
It is THAT simple. You don't have to study or anything. However, you DO need practice. You need to know how to apply the rules, and in which situation do you keep a deadpan expression or a sarcastic one. Different situations need different Jerk skills. There are many angles to being a Jerk.
Now, you are very likely to be a Level One Jerk. This means that you should now focus on one skill.
"Developing sarcasm, meanness, rudeness and an overly huge ego."
Too much? Maybe yes maybe no, but without this skill, you cannot proceed to the next level. Hence, I repeat again, you need practice in order to be a successful Jerk.
Part Two ends here so go out and happy practicing!

(Part Three will look at the several Jerk levels,and their rubrics.)
(Remember to comment if you like the 'Aspiring Jerk's Guide'!)

♥ 5:05 PM