I need a boyfriend.

Cuz I have no life.
I could be out partying tonight but nooooooooooooooo..

♥ 12:26 AM

My greatest and, probably, only worry after having broken up with you is..

That I probably would be ostracized from the guild in World of Warcraft.

Yup. No more calls to join raids, no more dungeons, no more outings with the guild. Thing is I really like the guild, what with the achievements and progress. However, breaking up with you is probably gonna hinder my personal progress in WoW, as the guildies are your friends, not mine. You've already painted an unfavorable picture of me for them, I assume. They've already deleted and blocked me from Facebook.

So yes, to the world, I'm actually pretty upset over this. World of Warcraft. Snigger. (Don't criticize.)

I'll see how it goes then. Perhaps I would have already been booted out of the guild. Then I'd have to move on to another guild.

Sigh.

♥ 4:32 PM

I shouldn't hurt when I see you.

For the sake of myself and the people around me, I hope I won't have to remember everything and anything I have ever done with you in the past. People tell me to keep the good memories and get rid of the bad - bullshit.

For me, the good memories were a farce. They weren't even real. After all, when you've been lying to me for a good one year plus, there is nothing else much to say. Like I've mentioned before, the person I fell for isn't really you. It was an imaginary character you decided to brew up in order to win me over.

Fuck you.

Now I'm fucking happy without you. I met new people, I made new friends, I get more compliments than ever. I'm doing exceptionally well in my school, like never before - Striking teachers as highly intelligent with great potential to go far in life. Something you wish you possessed, no doubt.
All these changes right after I left you. Yes, you.

My friends have always told me to leave you for you clearly were not deserving of somebody like me. I shut an eye to your lack of academic talent. You didn't know what you wanted to do in life. You loved to blame things on the government. And that is something I never liked for it plainly shows how pathetic a person is, but I accepted you all the same.
And even after showing me just what you wanted to do in life (nothing), you decide to hurt me. For a time span of one year plus. It's like I'm the one with the bloody bright future, I bring the dough home, and you sit around, thinking of various ways to hurt a girl.

And when I'm already nursing a sore wound, you decide to rub shit into my cuts and piss on my face. And get mad at me when I get upset.

I find it amusing how after I broke up with you, old friends came back to tell me, "Ahh, he didn't deserve you anyway." They said, "It's his loss for losing a pretty girl like you." They said, "Go out and meet someone who's actually _____(insert positive adjective)."

You seriously never knew that I was one of the best girlfriends you could ever find?

I am honest; I am faithful; I am tolerant; I am understanding; I listened to you and didn't do stuff you didn't want me to do; I cut off social connections you disliked; I never went anywhere that would make you uncomfortable; I fought for our relationship; I took time to do sweet stuff for you; I have a bright future; I'm not like those stupid, run-of-the-mill bimbos you see nowadays. There are many other qualities I possess which you would never touch again.
I lost my self-confidence right after I got together with you.

Oh yes, before I forget, ladies and gentleman, the guy decided that I wasn't good enough for him because I didn't feel uncomfortable wearing tank tops/ sports bras/ hot shorts for him. Also, because I didn't do stripteases for him. He said, "If you really loved me, you would have _____(insert whatever here)." He didn't say it outright, of course, (because he loved me the way I was), but instead did things to get the message across.
Actually, not really. He had to wait for me to find out stuff. One bloody year later. Plus.

Well, I'm sorry I wasn't a slut. Apparently you're a huge fan of sluts. After all, you got pretty acquainted with one before, yes?
And yes I'm being slightly sarcastic, but who gives a flip?

Our "relationship" begun spiraling downward just a few days (weeks maybe?) after I said 'yes'. Truth is, you begun lying to me even before we got together. Like I said, I forgave you time and time again. Could you believe that?

And I never hurt you before. Never. The entire relationship. Perhaps just once or twice, due to minor issues, and you got over them within a day. I was on the losing end of the deal. What a sucker, me.

By the way, he was my first boyfriend.

I honestly don't know where you could find a better girl than me. Bitch.

Could you believe all this?

♥ 10:50 PM

If you ever find yourself in love with two people, always go with the second one.If you were really, truly, undeniably in love with the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second one.

I never thought about it that way. Hurts too much though, if you were on the losing end. You would have thought he or she would fight for your love and stay with you.

After everything. I still love him. After the fights, the broken promises, and the broken hearts. I still love him.

I wish things went back to how they were.

Not really.

Do you know what love is? Love was me forgiving you time and time again. Love was me saying 'No more', yet giving you another chance the next time. Love was me holding you and weeping as you hurt me. Love was me crying every night and praying things would get better. Love was me putting up with your lies. Love was me imagining our future. Love was me hoping that one day, God would sort it all out. Love was me hoping that one day, you would appreciate the things I've done for you. Love was me wanting to be your only one. Love wasn't about what you bought for me, or the money spent on me. Love was supposed to be about the simple things you did. The lies, the things you hid from me, the hurt you caused me, made everything disappear.

But still, I stayed because I loved you.

That was the last straw and I'm happy to be free now. Now, I know that one day, somebody would love me, truly and deeply.

With all the truth he can muster from the very soul of his heart.

♥ 1:10 PM

I went out today!! Like finally, heh.

So, met Aloysius at Ion (where he initially got lost while trying to find me). Headed toward Cathay and had a few rounds of pool. He helped me improve my sucky pool skills. Though still mediocre, Aloy helped me loads, heh.

Head down to Kofu for drinks, then off to Bugis!! (For shisha.)

It has been like what, half a year since my last shisha session? I think. Perhaps less. Ordered Strawberry and it tasted more like Apple. Well in short, the waterpipe was great today. I managed to get pretty stoned ahaha!! Lightheaded with a slight headache after inhaling repeatedly while chatting away with Aloy.

Pretty good company, this fellow.

Parted ways round 7.15pm and I headed home for dinner!! Homemade aglio olio is pretty delicious.

I love shisha, but this smoking is taking it's toll on my skin, or so I think. Other factors probably count too.

My ex-lover stole my youth away.

Today was great!!

♥ 10:51 PM

I'm In Love With Judas.

♥ 11:41 PM

He's gone now.
I choose to believe that he had died, even though he still physically exists.
It's just that.. He just physically exists. Just.
The person I fell for never really lived at all. He was just an imagination.

It hurts, but I guess we all have to move on.

I don't know if I should just delete all the old posts with him in it.
Or perhaps keep them as memories of what we once had.

I'll decide some other time then.

Was I not good enough? You said I was.
I know I was better than you should have deserved.
I would have done anything but you broke my trust.
You robbed me of my love and spirit.
You cheated me.
Somebody else would appreciate me. I'm no longer yours.

♥ 9:12 PM