I'm waiting for an email so I can do my Written Report.. Which is due on Thursday. So while I'm waiting, I shall write a little here.

What makes a good relationship partner?
Seriously.

Looking at myself, I fail to see anything that would make me a good partner.

I'm not pretty enough, let alone beautiful, and that is the first thing guys look out for. People tell me I am, and strangers act interested in me and all.. But looking around, and looking into the mirror, I can't help but wonder what exactly it is they look at when they look at me. Perhaps they see me as a desperate girl who would be willing to give them what they want- Sex? I compare myself to other girls all the time. Every part and every aspect. I am never contented.

I'm not uber smart or intelligent. People may think I am or believe that I am, but I see myself as an average kid. If I were, I would have made it into the news by now. Thing is I'm just some unknown whom nobody bothers about.

I'm not interesting enough. My social life had wasted away over the past years. Sometimes, I cannot find anything else to talk about other than school. I can't go out because I am grounded. My social relationships slowly wilt when I find myself being withdrawn from the outside world.

I'm an emotional wreak. I cry a lot. I rarely feel happy. I feel lonely most of the time. I'm never satisfied. I lack the ability to feel love or to love with all of myself for I am afraid to get hurt. I'm paranoid. I don't want to live a lie.
The quote "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"- I'd rather never have loved at all. I'm difficult to understand. I frustrate people. I hurt people because I'm afraid.



I wish I was just perfect.
Is that too much to want?

♥ 10:19 PM